This is the story of my struggle for survival from a small child to an old man. I survived a dysfunctional upbringing and an alcoholic World War II veteran for a father. I survived a year and three days in the Vietnam war, taking part in killing of people I am ashamed to admit to. I survived the destruction of two marriages because of my alcohol and drug use. This bogeyman project had me doing more soul-searching than any other time in my life. A lot of it has been emotionally very painful. Before the war I was raised in a dysfunctional family. The army training had turned this not yet fully grown boy into a bloodthirsty killer without a conscience. I actually believed Johnson when he said we were going to go to war in Vietnam to save the world from the spread of communism.
During the war, I was infected by the jungle disease called PTSD. It took a lot of years after the war for me to realize I had been infected. At the same time, I realized that the PTSD virus, what I call The Bamboo Bogeyman, was actually living inside my T-shirt. I needed to stop running from the Bamboo Bogeyman and start dealing with him.
This autobiography is Jim trying to save "Jim's life”. I never got over the shame, guilt and regret for my participation in the war. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be taking that with me to my grave. I always managed to stay one step ahead of the Grim Reaper and I'm 78 years old now and I don't know how I made it past 20.
Well, you were doing your duty, what the US sent you over there to do. Most all of us have done things we are not proud of. Naturally not war type stuff. I think God can sort it out. Glad to hear from you.
